Dress Shopping vent

I am having issues with finding and trying on wedding dresses. Yes I have tried on bunches so far. I haven't posted any pictures because

I HATE the way I look in the dresses.

Yes I'm fat. So squeezing into a shops sample sizes look bad on me. How am I supposed to envision how it will look on me when I can barely get it over my hips. It looks BAD. Very BAD. As much as I might love the way it could look, I hate the way it does look. Tight around the belly that has every single bump and imperfection visible even beneath the fabric with rolls visible in the back. Then it squishes in my boobs and makes them look flat and shapeless. As much as I manuvuer and squish and suck in my stomach, it really doesn't do anything for me. Who is really going to go into a shop try on a size that is 10 times too small for them and decide... wow.. I love this dress. I have to have it!!

Now I could have someone else try on the dresses for me.. but why? Whats the point in that. I want to see how it looks on ME not my friend. Not some random person. ME.

Now David's Bridal has dresses in my size that fit and that I can try on, but truthfully... I did try them on, and I didn't really find anything that really interested me. Then again I was only able to try on 5 dresses. 3 of them actually fit. Most of them I tried on just because they were in my size, not because I loved them. Not one of them stuck out as a dress I had to have, even zipped up ..etc. Maybe a fall collection will come out and I'll find something then. But for right now, David's Bridal is pretty much out. I hated all of the dresses.

I kind of like the dresses I tried on at a shop here in town. Their sample sizes go up to a size 20. Well... for anyone who has ever gone wedding shopping, a 20 is about equal to a 14/16. I am not a 14/16. Why couldn't a 20 be equal to *gasp* a 20!! How is that so hard. They don't zip up and they look bad. If they do have sleeves, the sleeves get stuck in places they aren't supposed to be, making the front droop, and the beading looks off if the back is no where near closing.

So tell me this...

how am I supposed to really find a dress that I love, if I can't even try it on?

Why can't they carry sample sizes in the biggest sizes? That way everyone can get into a dress and have it zip up. I think its easier if it zips up and is too big because they can pin it or hold it to fit. Then the dress isn't off or look weird or lopsided.

I am afraid of getting a dress, that I love, but wasn't able to try on. What happens if I get the dress and HATE it on me? That would suck.