Marriage Advice

No doubt there are days when you feel as though you deserve the BestWife in the World award: You make sure dates with your mate stay hot,you settle arguments with amazing grace and you don't always go intowhining mode when you find his dirty socks next to, rather than in, thehamper. How did you get so smart? You were given some stellar marriageadvice from friends and family. Here, the nuggets of nuptial wisdomyou've stayed faithful to over the years.

Polite Fight
"On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to writetheir favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest afteralmost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.'How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stayfocused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs."
— Melissa Gitter Schilowitz, 31, Metuchen, NJ

Fit to a Tee
"My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf. 'If yourhusband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' shesaid. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once amonth. We both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, evenwhen we spend half an hour looking for my out-of-bounds balls!"
— Aimee Borders, 27, Houston, TX

Tabletop Trick
"My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to makedinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eatingany minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time.It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have toadmit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've beenmarried — and it works!"
— Dawn Clayton, 34, Holdrege, NE
Perfect 10
"My husband's great-aunt wrote a list of the10 most important things in a marriage, and she gave it to me at mybridal shower. It read:

10.Patience
9. Kindness
8. Patience
7. Communication
6. Patience
5. Caring
4. Patience
3. Patience
2. Love
1.Patience

"First of all, this couldn't be more true. Second, an 80-year-old woman made up a top-10 list; how funny is that?"
— Beth Power, 26, Arlington, VA

Ratio for Romance
"After my husband and I got together, a close friend of mine told me,'If the sex is good, it's only 10 percent of the marriage. But if thesex is not so good, it's 90 percent. So do your darndest to make sureit stays really, really good!'"
— Emily Cho-Basco, 28, Los Angeles

Boob-Tube Brilliance
"Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggestedthat we have 'my turn' TV nights. That means three nights a week I getto hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nightsit's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants. Now whenhe starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerveslike it used to."
— Angela Clayton, 27, Odenton, MD

Pop the Question
"My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has servedme well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mindreading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/shesays.'"
— Clare Graca, 27, Dallas

Nix the Nit-Picking
"Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who'sbeen married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece ofpaper and write down the top three things that bugged me about myhusband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list andforgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment thisbig, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In oureight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackledcross-country moves and started two businesses -- and so far, so great."
— Rebecca Hart Blaudow, 31, Jacksonville, FL

Space Smarts
"Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seemsilly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroomapartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now myhusband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: Ifhe wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothesin a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!"
— Patricia Bontekoe, 26, Lake Hiawatha, NJ

Agree to Disagree
"Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You aretwo imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.'This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, thecouple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate ourdifferences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encouragethem because we realize now that those differences are what makes eachof us unique and special."
— Beth Swanson, 28, Chicago

Comic Relief
"Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laughand never take myself too seriously. After four years of marriage, Iknow that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokeson each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middleof an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle,doesn't it?"
— Lisa Giassa, 31, Bogota, NJ

You've probably heard a few of these pieces of marital pop wisdombefore. If so, these marriage experts say to promptly forget 'em.

Love means never having to say you're sorry.
"Oh, please! In marriage, love sometimes means having to say you'resorry even if you don't know what you did or you didn't mean to do it."
— Trisha Taylor, psychotherapist, Houston, TX

Always be totally honest.
"What are you going to do, tell him that he's just too short and youcan't stand his mother? Sometimes you need to temper the truth."
— Tara Fields, Ph.D., marriage, family and child therapist, Marin County, CA

Children come first.
"This is bad advice if it means your husband always comes second. Ofcourse you should love and care for your kids, but you should neverlose sight of your couple-ness. The best thing a child can have ishappy, fulfilled parents who are deeply in love."
— Mary Pender Greene, chief of social work services, Jewish Board of Family and Children's Services, New York

Always keep the peace.
"No, no, no. If you don't face a hot issue head-on, you'll stockpilenegative feelings. And before you know it, 20 years go by and you'restill fighting over the same thing because you never resolved it in thefirst place."
— Rebecca S. Ward, M.S.W., psychotherapist, Little Rock, AR

Never go to bed angry.
"Forget it. Often a couple needs time to calm down before they canrationally wrap up an argument. And that may take a few days, so in themeantime, get some sleep!"
— Gilda Carle, Ph.D., psychotherapist, New York